Not Your Average 14 Year-old

2014 started with my first trip to Dubai. I had full six days to admire the city and appreciate its magical appeal. It was like Disney's Aladdin, my favorite cartoon of all time came to life right before my very eyes. It was a city with the most audacious projects in terms of infrastructure. Each and every turn you'll see something majestic and grand. They have the Burj Al Arab (World's tallest all-suite hotel), Burj Khalifa (World's tallest tower) and Dubai Mall (World's biggest mall) just to name a few. 

My personal favorite was this view of the Atlantis Resort in Palm Jumeirah. 

And as they say, all good things come to an end.

Coming home little did I know, another twist of fate is about to happen. From a very euphoric state to extreme despair. A very heart broken me. It was a problematic time, I was not performing well, I was not getting along with people and I was not myself. This continued on for several months and I can't figure out what went wrong. I don't like what I'm doing, I don't like what I'm getting and simply don't like to do anything. It seemed like everything that I'm trying to accomplish was failing every single time. I was on the brink of giving up.

Until one afternoon, I was spending time with my 14 year-old niece in her bedroom. She showed me a photo of a grafitti she saw near her school and it says "I love you (my niece's full name)". So asked her what if the person who wrote that was not her type, how would she react. She told me with her exact words "Ok lang yun tita at least may nagka-crush saken" (That's ok at least there's someone out there who likes me). "Be thankful for what you have" she even added.

This girl never fails to amaze me. I then realized I must stop complaining and start moving forward. Stop dwelling in the past and appreciate whatever or whoever is around you even if you may have wanted something else. There is always a reason why some things in our life stay and some go, most of the time you don't fully understand why but sooner or later you'll definitely know, you'll definitely grow.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"- Dr. Seus

Receiving Grace

One afternoon, my officemate and I were talking about practices of different religions. She told me that she is actively involved in church activities and that she enjoys them very much. Years ago, she would have preferred night out with friends and have fun like the usual teenagers do. But now, she found herself tired of her old ways and started to discover the intangible rewards in serving God. She eventually became active in hosting church events which also helped her grow and mature as a professional. This became her avenue to share and develop her talent and skills.

On the contrary, I admitted that I used to serve the church through singing with the choir. But I suddenly stopped doing so because of the people I was with. Simply because, I expect them
to be as good-natured as what they preach. But as I involve myself, I saw something very disheartening. Every week, it just keeps piling up. Every word, just makes me think twice. The disillusionment was just too much that I had to withdraw my membership to avoid such "negative" crowd.

Then my office-mate told me "Maybe you are expecting too much and you are also forgetting that they are just human beings"

All of a sudden, my mind cleared up like how the ravishing waves of the sea clears the shore. Suddenly, I received Grace from Grace- yes, that's my office-mate's name.

Me and Grace

Because of her, I now believe that spirituality is internally rooted. It really depends on you and how you stay true to what you believe in.

Today, I commit to see each day- every moment as an opportunity to practice church's teaching gracefully. I believe that is one of the best ways to serve God. It also shows the value of integrity- where we choose to do the right thing even no one is looking. We can cheat the world, but we can never cheat ourselves.

"What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God"-Hans Urs von Balthasar

Happy 114th Independence Day

Just saw a very striking message posted on facebook today, and it goes something like this: Today we are celebrating our independence day because we are free! Free to do almost anything, like throwing trash anywhere, crossing the street whichever way we like, whenever we like.

I remembered one of my classes back in college, our professor who is also a nun told us that freedom is not freedom without responsibility. God gave us freewill to choose what we want to do in life and intellect to choose wisely. But somehow, maybe, over time it got lost in translation that we forget to think about the choices we make and how these choices affect the present and the future. We become trapped in situations where, if in the first place we could have just chosen to avoid it.

I just realized that for months now I've been trapped in my own mindset. Thinking that everything I know will deliver the results I want at work. But I was wrong- so wrong. It felt like yesterday, I just graduated from gradeschool then luckily got accelerated to college. Now teachers are different, classmates are different and classrooms are different. I felt like a freshman getting lost in a huge university where I don't have friends, class schedules are long and no more spoonfeeding of information from teachers. I am on my own. I am on my own. Or was I really?

Bottomline is- I just have to accept change. "Don't resist it" as my mentor told me that night, when I was already feeling so hopeless and helpless. Just those three words and I knew I was doing something wrong about the whole situation.

On my way home, I decided to reboot my mindset right away. I looked back and reminisced why I wanted to be here now and why I signed that job offer. Then all of a sudden everything became clearer. And the support I needed suddenly appeared.

Set yourself free. Free from all doubts and fears. If there is anything right now that is stopping you to move forward; to love again; to learn, to unlearn, to relearn; and to forgive. Start now! Start with yourself. Set youself free!

Happy independence day everyone!

HHWW

HHWW a colloquial term fondly used by Filipinos to refer to couples who are Holding Hands While Walking. This gesture is, I think the simplest way to express love and/or to declare couple's "being together" to the public.

Aside from couples, parents also hold their child's hand in crossing the street, strolling in the park or mall and comforting them when they feel pain or feel scared. I remember when I was little, I am not-so-fond of going to the hospital because of... yes, you guessed it right- the most dreaded, injection. One time I got sick and they had to do a blood extraction to find out what was wrong. The nurse and medical technician couldn't calm me down as I refuse to be cooperative with the procedure. They were holding my arms so tight as if I was a criminal caught red handed and struggling to escape. Up to this day, I remember that scene vividly in mind and the only thing that made me feel safe and secure again was my mom holding my hand.

Hand holding and its many heartwarming effects could lead to stronger friendships and relationships. When you hold a friend's hand in grief, it could be worth more than the words you could ever utter to bring her/him comfort.

But sometimes when you are all alone and lonely, the only thing you can do is to hold your own hand. And there you'll realize, that you are in a perfect prayer position.

Let us not forget, behind all the glitter and the merriment of this season- Of hand holding and fun bonding, today is special because of Jesus.

Merry Christmas to you all! And have a more meaningful holidays through prayer.

"Two Hands" Gouache on Paper

Sunset

I just saw one of the many magnificent sunset God has ever created today and felt blessed!

Ironically, it was the first time I appreciated heavy traffic on my way home. Because it gave me that precious 3-minute window of opportunity to capture the moment. A moment that seems to be God's way of showing a graceful bow after a great performance!

Last month, I met a girl on a friend's birthday party. I don't know how we came to talk about writing down 100 blessings per day for seven days project. But what she shared to me was really insightful. She told me, she did try to do this when she was so down. And it made her realize that the only reason she was feeling low is because she was focusing all her energy on the negative.


She encouraged me to try it too. Convinced as I was, I immediately tried making my list when I got home. I didn't realize it was difficult to list down 100 blessings every day for 7 days. I always end up at #30 or 40. Then eventually gave up doing my list. Until this moment came, I realized that every breath I take is a blessing in itself and that is definitely more than a hundred or else... =P

Every breath, every moment and every opportunity to appreciate life is a blessing. But it is up to you where you want to focus your energy to.

"If there is something in your life you don't want, stop worrying about it. The energy you put into it keeps it alive. Try to withdraw from it and it will likely go away" - Andrew Matthews, Happiness in a Nutshell

CROCO-BOTS

Let’s roll!

I was out for a long, almost 5 days get-away in the beautiful island of Palawan where love of nature grows in you as days pass by. We visited the best tourist spots the place has to offer which includes Honda bay, crocodile farm, baker’s hill and the famous underground river. It is my second time to be there but it sure feels like the first.

In transit to crocodile farm, our tourist guide was psyching up the crowd by telling exciting stories about crocodile farm; what we must see and what to expect. He also mentioned that there are really a lot of crocodiles in Palawan just like in Manila (referring to the corrupt city officials). We all laughed and agreed that there is some truth to what he said. Thinking about it, I came to a conclusion that in reality, no matter where you are in the world there would be some people who are greedy; whether for money or for power. But the bigger question is will you become one of them?

As Gandhi would put it, “be the change you want to see in the world.” In my 5 days stay in Palawan, I have seen that most people living there dare to be the change! Their system is quite impressive when it comes to tourism. Everything is centralized. The rates are standardized. So that, everyone gets a fair chance to make a decent living thru tourism. They have transformed their local tourism into an experience worthy being called “world-class!”

I saw and felt their culture of sharing thru their actions. Our guide even shared his tip from us to the driver even if we directly handed him the money. These few small gestures speak volumes of what the people of Palawan are made of. They are “croco-bots” upholding truth in all their endeavors.

Every day we must all strive to transform to be a better version of ourselves. And I’ve seen this work in them. Through this, it is my hope that we can make our country better; one city, one province or one person at a time. I encourage you to take the path towards a better you.

“Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.”- Optimus Prime

Of Emeralds and Rubies

Some years ago there was this game called "bejeweled" I'm not sure if you guys remember this game where you just have to match as many jewels of the same color together to earn points. It was an addicting game and I admit I have been bejeweled, like most of my classmates were, back in med school. Whenever we'd have to wait for our next class we would open our laptops and play as if it was a tournament.

One time inside the student council office, one of my co-officer was playing and I, on the other hand was sitting beside her supposedly writing my patient-doctor report. But of course, I couldn't help myself glance at her game and what's worst? I couldn't help myself giving her instructions as to where she could make a move. Good thing she's not the type who would get pissed or annoyed easily even if I was ruining her game. 

After she finished, one great idea popped out of my cerebellum and I told her with conviction- "You know this game is pretty much like our life, we face problems/obstacles and sometimes all we have to do is to take one step back to see the solution or have a good friend beside you to help you through." Then she told me with amusement "How in this world can you think of that when we're just playing a simple game? Where did that come from?" At that point, there was a 3-second moment of silence then a burst of laughter filled the small office which lasted for more than 60 seconds.

On my way home, I continued to contemplate on that very ordinary experience. If you think about it deeply, somehow it speaks of truth. Truth that in life there are several paths to problem solving.

1. Timing- some are resolved right away and some just needs more time
2. Perspective- sometimes we can easily see the solution with our own eyes but some needs another person's point of view
3. Last but not the least, when it's game over, we can always start anew

So don't despair when obstacles come your way. Life is like a game thus, we must ENJOY IT!

Switch

I am a self-proclaimed light switch destroyer!

The light switch inside my bedroom got busted a few months ago and I didn’t have time to fix it until last weekend. I tried to fix it a couple of times before but ended up with nothing because first, I don’t know how and second, I broke the newly-bought switch for replacement into pieces (not just once but yeah, twice) which I think is a bigger problem than not knowing how.

So there, I gave up fixing it. I didn’t notice the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months without the main bedroom light. I just used the light in the bathroom to illuminate my path whenever I enter my room to sleep. I got used to it. In fact, I got used to it oh-so-much that 2 days after finally fixing the main light I still switch on the bathroom lights first!

The conclusion: Habits are formed and are difficult to break right away. Habits whether good or bad are stored in your procedural memory. Thus, it becomes automatic and needs no self-analysis of whatever sort. That is the danger of it. We sometimes don't notice our bad habits. If you have a bad habit, identify them today and make changes to form new and better ones.

Here's how in 2 easy steps:

The first step lies in the acknowledgment of the behavior. On the 3rd day, I was successful not to turn on the bathroom lights first because I knew and acknowledged the previous behavior. There was an effort to change what I usually do. However, the day after that... yes you guessed it right! I did it again! I ended up laughing out loud and realized the force of habit is really powerful. So I therefore conclude that I need more effort.

The final step is simple persistence and commitment. They say it takes about 21 days to form a habit. Only 21 days to change a certain behavior. So I commit to 21 days to change my habit. This story is quite simple but true. And I believe a lot of you have experienced this as well. There are a lot of things we do everyday that we wish we stop doing. Just like when you think you had stopped procrastination, overspending, nail biting, fidgeting and other mannerisms you developed over the years you sometimes catch yourself still doing it and feel guilty about it.

Why not start your 21 days of developing a new good habit today? Do it for success!

BIG RED BALLOON

Here’s another unforgettable jeepney ride story.

I was on my home from duty way back in 2002, when I saw this cute little boy with his mother and baby sister riding the same jeep as I was in. The mom had a lot of groceries on hand while also carrying her baby girl about 3-4 months old. The boy was around 4-5 years of age and had a big red balloon that his mother secured by tying it around his wrists. After just few minutes, the boy fell asleep.

When it’s about time to go down the vehicle, the mother had a hard time waking up him up that we got stalled for several minutes. Almost everyone, including myself, got involved that we all tried to wake him up. Some called him by his name, some tapped his little arms and others even tried to bribe him with candy. But every single attempt failed.

"Red Balloon" Gouache Paint on Paper

Then, a witty young man shouted “Bata! Yung lobo mo lumipad!” (Kid, your balloon flew!). The boy immediately woke up and was ready to run after his balloon. A sudden burst of laughter filled the entire jeep. Some passengers continued to talk about the incident and shared a few more laughs after they went down.

What happened to the boy is known as “The cocktail party effect/phenomenon”. It is described as the ability to focus one's listening attention on a single talker among a mixture of conversations and background noises, ignoring other conversations. There exists a type of audio filter in our brain that selects which among all the stimuli needs to be responded to. The selection depends on how important or relevant the information to the person is. In this case, we know that the balloon was really important to the kid. And that motivated him to pay attention.

So tell me, what is that one most important thing in your life now that you can never do without? If you know the answer then you are lucky enough to have that strong, compelling “why” to continue on with everything that is you’re doing. If not, I suggest you try to find out now.

What's your big red balloon?

TINY COFFEE BEAN

I love perfume shops! 

(I know the title for this entry is tiny coffee bean, don’t worry we’ll get to that in a while wag atat! Haha you can erase that confused expression on your face now =P)

As the door opens, you are welcomed by a fresh flowery and a bit of sweet fruity combination of scents; an experience that’s nice to have every time! Choosing a perfume to buy is a tough job. There are just too many choices to choose from. And the longer you stay inside the store the harder it gets for you to distinguish one fragrance from the other. You soon develop adaptability to the scent. And the scent eventually becomes ordinary or plain even if it’s actually good.

Day in and day out our activities become a cycle. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between days. (Or was there any difference at all?) We develop adaptability to our routine. We sometimes lose that pleasurable feeling of excitement to life, like the feeling when we first enter a perfume shop.

In perfume counters, they usually have a small container of coffee beans. Never underestimate its size. It might be small, but it is enough to induce “reset” to the olfactory fatigue we experience when adaptability ensues. As in life, there are tiny coffee beans ready to help us “reset”; it could be a person, an event or a feeling like love that can change the way we see ordinary things.

Find your tiny coffee bean and see every day as if anew. Do something different now!

RED

Almost all stoplights turned red on me today.

What a way to start my day. I felt the frustration of waiting running through my veins. Every turn was a red stoplight. From EDSA, Makati Ave and Paseo de Roxas my timing was impeccable! I asked myself “WTH?! Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?” I really don’t know.

The red light signaled me to stop. So I stopped and this came to mind. Red lights are like obstacles in our lives that has no other solution than to wait. Even if we wanted to do something about it, we simply can’t because there are other cars passing by. And it would be dangerous to run against the tide; someone could be really hurt if we force it.

After all, stoplights are there to keep traffic flow in order and to keep us away from deadly collisions. Maybe that is the very same reason why it is better to let go of things beyond our control. So that we won't be hurt. Sometimes we must just allow the traffic light of our lives give us the signal when to go, slow down and stop.

Then patiently wait for it to change colors once more.

7:55 AM

I arrived at exactly 7:55 A.M. today. Not bad for an 8 A.M. target.

Time is a valuable and irrevocable resource. In fact, as I turn the corner of the street to the parking lot I was surprised to see that 10 minutes already elapsed. It is comparable to singing 3 happy birthday songs or cooking instant noodles. But it sure feels like it was just seconds.

If time is money, I wonder how my financial statement would look like.

From this day forward, I will cherish every moment of my everyday because there is no replay button in real life. No matter how things turn out, I will choose to possess a happy and grateful heart that appreciates life in full circle.

SUN

The sun shined brightly today.

I felt the warmth of its embrace as I walk in the streets of Makati. It felt good to see the sun shine again after a week of pouring rain. Somehow it made me feel better and a little less melancholic. Suddenly my mood changed. I almost wanted to sing Kevyn Lettau’s Sunlight out loud where the lyrics go “I think about the morning and it warms my heart”.

It is amazing how certain things around us can affect us. How a small gesture of appreciation, thoughtfulness and concern could warm our hearts and make us smile, or how some trivial things make us sad. But ultimately, it is our perception of things that can make us feel the way we feel.

Then, I realized just like the sun we also have a certain effect on others. Good or bad we don’t have any control. And that is the hardest part of it all.

It’s been a while since I wrote something. And I’m not sure what exactly I want to write about. Well that doesn’t surprise me. After all, I am the queen of spontaneity.

I’ll start of by saying it is in the major comebacks!

I always say I failed too many times in the past. I’ve been disappointed, frustrated and depressed. Swimming in the sea of melancholy has been in and out of my system even though, I know we choose the way we react to things. I know very well that we do have a choice and I know I could control it. But I guess I am only human, emotional at times.

It is normal to feel disappointed, frustrated and depressed. But if we allow these things to eat up everything in us we can call ourselves dead, spiritually and emotionally dead. I don’t know the exact formula that will work for everyone but I’d love to share mine, when I feel totally lost, I’d say to myself “it is in the major comebacks!” what do I mean you may ask? Who will comeback? Well, that is you my dear friends who are reading this. It is our major comeback to LIFE! Yes we might have not triumphed over our previous battles but that is the past hence the term previous. We have more coming up and it is within us to take a chance, to fight or flight, to win or lose, to stand up or give up! It is in the major comebacks! Whenever I fail, I let my emotions subside first and find peace in the silence of the night when I pray. And more often than not there is a little voice inside of me telling me to move forward because tomorrow will be a new day.


Happy weekend everyone!

On Love and Inspiration

I’m not a writer until this came
It just felt right, words flowing endlessly on my mind
Love is not only seen between two people
It can take different forms and expression
Surprisingly can be hidden under ones nose
See it even when your eyes are closed
Feel it even when you’re all alone

Love is there all around
Sometimes you only need to know yourself to find love
It is not in another person’s presence
It is not in the flowers or chocolates and gifts given
It is in you, it is in me too

You’ll know love when you find love as they say
The real love for me is that it cannot be taken away
The love within your heart
That transcends time and heals all wounds

Self love can destroy you only if you allow it to overwhelm your trueness
But self love if used fittingly can bring you love and inspiration
That can last for all seasons
It will enable you to connect with your Infinite Intelligence
A guiding force of great opportunities not known by your average thought

A discovery of a deeper realm of self
A journey that you’ll never forget
It will change your life, as it changed mine

I’ve searched for love in so many directions
Changed myself to adapt to a thousand different fallacies
I thought I had it all in control
But all is temporary until
True love and inspiration came from the genius
The genius within me hiding all these years
Waiting to be recognized and to be unleashed

Before I’m just someone who happens to do all sorts of things trying to please
But today, I am that someone who can do all sorts of things with great love, effort and profound understanding of self and the power of the infinite

The passion
The intense and burning desire
Backed by faith and nurtured with love
Anything and everything is possible
I LIVE my life exactly the way I want

I know exactly what I want
I know exactly what to do
I know that I am doing exactly the things that are meant for me to do
In my own pace, in my own race

Today, I am a different person

Better than yesterday

Even better tomorrow and a day after tomorrow

Until all my tomorrows are done.